it's difficult though. never had so much been said in such a small quantity of words, so it's hard to comprehend exactly what is being said.
knowing so much about something most people know so little about (or at least choose to not think about) i thought would make something about my life and my purpose a little more comfort-providing. quite the opposite...
to be fair, it is a bit of both. but it's hard to set in stone that it balances out. something's not right. the scale is even, but the scale itself is broken, so the results presented are inevitably false. so you're left guessing and not knowing the truth, what is real, and what is just a mirage, good, bad, or just thought-provoking (thoughts provoked may be good or bad).
i'm not left guessing, though. this is good. but i am left choosing. i never guessed, i narrowed my choices of thought down to two (or three or four or more, numbers do not matter) choices... of thought.
this probably isn't what's giving, or at least contributing, to the discomfort associated with whatever scenario that is playing in my head. i'm pretty good at stuff when it comes to choices, but i never pass up the chance of taking help when i'm offered.
is it hope? is it the hope, the possibility, the WANTING of someone to come down and help me? probably. because that'd make things better. even if it isn't the solution, it at least mitigates the discomfort, just a little bit.